he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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