The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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