The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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