i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
