Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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