The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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