lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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