Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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