i just had sex bonerless
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
