At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
