I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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