I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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