I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
high people should be assigned attendants
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
