I just made out with a guy for $7.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
