Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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