So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
