every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
