The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
