I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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