i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
