she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
