i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
