So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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