I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
