I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
