Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
