You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
