Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
