I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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