I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
