can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
