Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
