If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
