Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
