Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize