Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Alive.
So much puke
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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