I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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