so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
