Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
