proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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