I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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