but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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