Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
