So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
