That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
