I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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