I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she looked like the before picture.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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