Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
