Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish you could order shots online.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
