I bet he comes in French.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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