Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
