The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
