I am in a vortex of obligation.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
