dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
