I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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