Pappa wants mamma naked
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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