I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
