remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
