Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
