OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
