I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
