Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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