wat bout pragnant strippers??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
