But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
