i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
