Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
