I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
