then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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