college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
