got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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