That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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