Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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