But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
