I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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