I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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