Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
