I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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